This is what I’ve been dreading for months. Christmas. Being single on Christmas. Being divorced on Christmas. Being alone on Christmas. Because no matter how many parties or family events I cram into the holidays, I’m still alone when I go home and curl up in bed. It’s been almost a year. Knowing it was the right thing to do doesn’t make my bed any warmer at night.
I love Christmas. I love being with my family. I love spending time with the people I love the most. But, oh, I’ve been over this Christmas since before it started. Because this is the time of year when you should be at your happiest. So I put on the smile and I played the music and I pretended that I was okay with all of this.
Today, before leaving to go to my adopted family’s Christmas party I started to second guess my decision to go. They weren’t really my family. I felt like I was intruding. My dish didn’t work out, I wasn’t feeling my best and maybe it would’ve been better to sit at home and hide away from the world. But I didn’t. I went. I had wine and laughed and laughed some more. I allowed myself to ignore the fact that I was single for Christmas and welcomed the fact that I was surrounded by people who chose to have me in their lives. People who love me and want me to be a part of the most magical time of the year.
So, yes, I am single at Christmas. But I’m not alone. I have so many people who have gone out of their way this year to show me that I’m not alone. And tomorrow when I’m with my parents for Christmas dinner I’m going to tell them both how much I love them. How lucky I am to have them in my life. How they make me feel like I’m never, ever alone.
This year has been rough. I’m really ready for it to end so I can put all this crap behind me. But I’ll remember this Christmas. Nothing big happened, nothing crazy.All that happened was love. Pure, simple and amazing love. It was the best gift I could’ve received.